3.16 Hiding within
Recently I have become aware that my head continues to hurt and the pain seems to grow,
It always seems to rear its annoying presence when least wanted, almost like it seems to know.
But I just suppressed it and hope it would soon go away and with enough time it will fade,
Not at all suspecting that a cruel secret was hidden. Ignoring it was the first mistake made.
Waiting until now to rear its ugly head as the pain now continues to ebb and constantly flow.
Inside my head felt like I was not alone, like I was having to share my own precious space,
At first the medical professionals said it was nothing to worry about and to go at a slow pace.
Sadly, these educated professionals got it wrong and sadly my little friend was left to grow,
Now on CT and MRI scans my little friend stands bold, now proud and there to show.
To now discover if my friend is sinister or not has just become a truly alarming and scary race.
Having a pituitary lesion growing inside of your brain and existing there every single day,
It is terrifying not knowing if there is anything that I can do to control it or keep it at bay.
If I could eject you from my brain I would do so in a heartbeat and with no second thought,
But your presence consumes me, upsets those around me, leaving everyone distraught.
“You will be OK”. and “Don’t worry” are annoying echoes that those around me always say.
We have no idea yet how long you hid away, biding your time as you grew inside my mind,
Waiting there silently and menacingly for those incompetent, slow and bumbling experts to find.
The scary thought you could steal my vision at a whim as you sit by the nerves behind my eye,
Surely you have come too soon for I am far too innocent for these risks and too young to die.
I just wish that it wasn’t me and that constantly dream foolishly that life was not so unkind.
Should my little friend turn into more than just a companion and to my life will it attempt to take,
Make me a promise now to give me warmth and comfort as peace I need to now make.
Do me one thing and one thing alone, look after my boys and my little girl and keep them safe,
Ensure that they know their daddy loved them and keep them forever in a comfortable and safe space.
I know this is not a nightmare, though it certainly feels like one, it not one from which I can wake.
***
Jamie Scott Watkinson-Harvey
It always seems to rear its annoying presence when least wanted, almost like it seems to know.
But I just suppressed it and hope it would soon go away and with enough time it will fade,
Not at all suspecting that a cruel secret was hidden. Ignoring it was the first mistake made.
Waiting until now to rear its ugly head as the pain now continues to ebb and constantly flow.
Inside my head felt like I was not alone, like I was having to share my own precious space,
At first the medical professionals said it was nothing to worry about and to go at a slow pace.
Sadly, these educated professionals got it wrong and sadly my little friend was left to grow,
Now on CT and MRI scans my little friend stands bold, now proud and there to show.
To now discover if my friend is sinister or not has just become a truly alarming and scary race.
Having a pituitary lesion growing inside of your brain and existing there every single day,
It is terrifying not knowing if there is anything that I can do to control it or keep it at bay.
If I could eject you from my brain I would do so in a heartbeat and with no second thought,
But your presence consumes me, upsets those around me, leaving everyone distraught.
“You will be OK”. and “Don’t worry” are annoying echoes that those around me always say.
We have no idea yet how long you hid away, biding your time as you grew inside my mind,
Waiting there silently and menacingly for those incompetent, slow and bumbling experts to find.
The scary thought you could steal my vision at a whim as you sit by the nerves behind my eye,
Surely you have come too soon for I am far too innocent for these risks and too young to die.
I just wish that it wasn’t me and that constantly dream foolishly that life was not so unkind.
Should my little friend turn into more than just a companion and to my life will it attempt to take,
Make me a promise now to give me warmth and comfort as peace I need to now make.
Do me one thing and one thing alone, look after my boys and my little girl and keep them safe,
Ensure that they know their daddy loved them and keep them forever in a comfortable and safe space.
I know this is not a nightmare, though it certainly feels like one, it not one from which I can wake.
***
Jamie Scott Watkinson-Harvey